From Fear to Firm Ground: A Meditation Journey

I'll never forget the first time I walked into a meditation center for a weekend silent meditation retreat. I had been perusing this place online for a while. I was very intrigued, but also so uncertain. I was quite afraid to visit because I didn't know what to expect or if I even belonged in such a space. But I felt a real pull to deepen my limited meditation practice and had a sense this was a place to do that. So it was a long time coming, but I finally made my way in.

I went alone, which was pretty bold for the person I was at the time. Honestly, I was mostly bolstered by adrenaline from living through a personal crisis. I was in a place where it felt like there wasn't much left to lose. It may sound strange, but I sometimes miss aspects of that headspace because I conquered so many fears during that time, but I definitely don't want to have to go through another major crisis to get there! That's part of what drew me to meditation: the possibility of finding groundedness and courage without having to be so broken.

So I walked into this beautiful old house in South Mississippi and was welcomed as though I actually did belong. I immediately felt at ease, though I was surrounded by people I didn't know and was about to immerse myself deeply in a practice I felt I only peripherally knew.

What I experienced at that first retreat is hard to explain. As I sat on the cushion in silence and maneuvered the days with others in silence, I had to come face-to-face with so much pain, fear, and grief. But rather than it breaking me, I felt like I emerged more myself than I had ever been. That started a regular attendance for me at monthly weekend retreats for a while.

As with many things, the pandemic brought about online retreats. I was grateful to discover I could create a retreat environment in my own home and still attend very powerful offerings from Flowering Lotus Meditation. Living alone with my dog and being quite isolated throughout the initial pandemic months, I found these retreats and sangha to be a lifeline.

Changing life circumstances have kept me from regularly attending Flowering Lotus Meditation retreats as I once did. But the organization has continued to grow and adapt and offers a wide range of opportunities to learn and practice meditation and to build community throughout a region of the country where these practices aren't as commonly offered as they are in some other regions. It's truly a refuge.

So, I was honored to be invited by Beth recently to offer a workshop for Flowering Lotus Meditation. One of my motivators for becoming a meditation teacher was to demystify the experience for someone who is like I was before I made my way to that very first retreat, intrigued, yet fearful and uncertain. So I try to create approachable offerings with the hopes that students will want to deepen their practice and perhaps find their way to a place like Flowering Lotus Meditation one day.

This summer, I'm offering a workshop called Finding Firm Ground: Mindful Tools for Uncertain Times on Saturday, June 28, in partnership with Flowering Lotus Meditation. I was motivated to develop this offering earlier this year as my own nervous system was being over-activated in threat response with the myriad challenges happening personally, nationally, and globally. It reminded me of that pre-retreat version of myself, feeling unsteady, uncertain, searching for solid ground. From all I've learned and experienced, I know that no matter what, it helps if we can meet the moment from a more grounded and spacious place. This workshop offers some practical mindfulness-based tools to do just that.

I genuinely believe the world would be a better place if everyone learned and practiced meditation. As the Dalai Lama once said, "If every 8-year-old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation." I sincerely believe that, and I'm grateful to Flowering Lotus Meditation for its commitment to helping more people learn to do so.

Whether you're like I was, curious but uncertain, or you're looking for tools to navigate these uncertain times, I hope you'll consider joining us. Sometimes the most transformative journeys begin with simply showing up, even when we don't know what to expect.